Friday, February 18, 2011

Why are you single?

Why are you single?

For all you girls out there that think there will never be anyone for you... read this. It may not be them...quite frankly its you.

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Taking Care of Business...

"Procrastination is just an 13 letter word for SLOTH."
--Bill W., founder of Alcoholics Anonymous

So many times Ms. Pearl has procrastinated instead of taking care of business of her own.  Procrastination comes in many forms, unfortunately and sometimes masks depression or ADD, ADHD and a slew of other alphabet soup issues that any one person can have. 

I've fantasized about my real calling and not done much about it, I've given myself every excuse possible not to do it. I've put off applying for grad school, finishing a play, a screenplay, editing a book because I do not want to face the reality of letting myself be successful at my calling of being a writer. In the back of my mind I have heard my mother's words, 'You'll never make it as a writer.' I've feared my father's disowning me for finding out the kind of writing I do or the subject matter. I've worried about my own children's views and futures if found out about my genre as a writer and possible success thereof.

Supposedly SMUT sells. I've yet to find that so. I hate writing vanilla or admitting that I can write vanilla when the other fifty flavors are so much appealing.  I could publish both. I could really get to work and get busy with the rest of my work but I put it off out of fear. 

How many of my girls are the same way whether they cross dress or they are deciding on when to really put forth the effort in their transition? How many times has the fear of someone who knows the gender born you discovers the gender chosen you? How does fear keep you in the dresser and from venturing out?

With that being said, Girls, here's your focus phrases for the day:  1. When fear keeps me from being whom I really am, I... 2. My wasted effort of procrastination would be better spent on...  3. Just for today I am going to open my dresser drawer and...

Blog for me, send me an email!  Make me proud of my beauties!

Wednesday, February 9, 2011


There's no other way to put it than that. It hurts. So many of us hide ourselves away in closets, drawers, computer files, because its easier than facing the rejection of someone you might already have your heart set on. I love Glee. Last night, the Valentine's special, was all about rejection. It seemed like everyone but the most unlikely couples were getting rejected.

Talking to one of my darlings the other night, we both discussed the worst Valentine's Day we ever had. My favorite day of February is February 15th because all the leftover candy and roses are on sale. Since I've been single, I've come to really despise this holiday, even though my ex never celebrated it with me for the last 14 years after he bought me a stuffed animal. I handed it to one of the four babies I gave him and that was the last time he bought me anything for Valentine's that wasn't after the 15th out of guilt.

What girl wouldn't dream of that perfect Valentine? The rose petals scattered across the bedspread, the dozen of red roses with the heart shaped box of candy and the pie de resistance, the most romantic card ever with a sweet note in his/her handwriting.  Do you just hate jewelry commercials? Those heart shaped diamond necklaces, the engagement rings?

Rejection for me came today. Usually Ms. Pearl is pretty impervious to such crud. I shake it off my heels and move on, but this one is hard. This girl really got to me. It's been a year, an on again, off again, a momentary chat, coffee, lunch, dinner. Her hard to get is fear. Trust me, there's a hairbrush here with her name on it, even though I knew she needed to be handled with opera gloves.

So today, I'll celebrate the let down of Valentine's day and the romance. I'll pout and write, ignore the world but I won't cry. I have no regrets when it comes to her, my side of the street is clean. I've heard this week three girls tell me its easier to stay alone, where they are at. Maybe that's where this girl is coming from too. How do we break past that fear of rejection?

I know that I don't want to spend the rest of my life alone and I wish that all of us find the partners we hope for every night when we stare into our closets or slip that satin nighty over our shoulders. Well, I have poetry to memorize and queries to write and formats to fix. Dishes to wash and laundry to fold, so I oughta just get off this pitty pot and get it done.

I'm going to add the beautiful poem, 'Comes the Dawn' to this blog. I think today, I need to buy my own flowers and decorate my own soul. Even if they are 99 cent primroses.  I know if I had the funds and knew where to go, I'd take some flowers to my girls. So for now, I'll send you roses from my heart.

Focus Phrases: How will you decorate your soul this Valentine's Day and celebrate the girl inside you?

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Where is She?

Where is your girl at the moment? Do you feel her in girlspace? In that deep centered connection?  Where is girlspace for you? In what part of your body do you feel it?

My girlspace is deep and I'm a GG. I have a lot of other distractions that keep me from embracing girl space all the time. I got Mom space and Top space,  I got Professional space and Dating space. Girl space, you'd think, would be a part of each of those places. In fact, in many ways, its not. Just because autonomically I'm a girl and I like to be wrapped in everything pink, doesn't make me a girl. Well, yeah it does, but girl space for me is that special deep centeredness of me loving the girl within me.

Find your girl space. Embrace the girl inside you. I don't mean the window dressing of the hair and make up, though where I am at the moment, I need to do so to stay out of the Pit of Despair. Shower, hair, make-up, dress, hose and heels. If my asthma wasn't bad, I'd go for the perfume too.

Focus phrase for Journal/Blogging: Where is your girlspace? How do you embrace her?

Monday, February 7, 2011

Finding Your Inner Strength...

The last few weeks have been incredibly challenging for me, but I refuse to let them get me down. Instead, I just keep letting go of worry (it causes wrinkles) and find more constructive things to do. The old Pearl would have rolled over and just taken it. Not this Pearl. She documents and refuses to give up. She even got an old fax machine so she didnt have to drop a couple dimes on the kinkos fax machine.

It just goes to show what a girl can do when she gets up, does her hair, her face and puts on a pair of heels, even if its just in her mind and she has to wear a pair of slacks, a shirt tie and flats. It's all in the attitude.

I've met a few Girls out there whose self-esteem has taken quite a beating if not from inside yourselves but the rest of those around you. Pop off those heels, shake the rainwater off of them (If you're up here in Seattle) or the dust off of them (if you're in Phoenix) and walk on. Their opinion of you is really none of your business.  As for beating yourselves up on the inside, that's another post. Be kind to the Girl inside.

My First Girl, Joni

For Joni

Joni, my favorite distraction
You charming troubadour that feeds my persisting procrastination
Have no understanding of my attraction
To the safety of this infatuation.

Never any room for confrontation
She doesn’t hear the important information
While ignoring and refuting my experience and education
That I chalk up her attitude to twenty-something confusion.